She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
