i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
