i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He did a backflip because drugs
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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