no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
