Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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