Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
