Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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