The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.