Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.