i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.