So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA