I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He felt like a one man threesome
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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