And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
