If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize
