I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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