my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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