I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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