i love accidental penises.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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