i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
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