I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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