maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
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So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
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This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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