all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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