he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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