Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We need to get me chipped asap
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
