If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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