she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
