All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
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no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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