he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
