And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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