how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
