My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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