K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
