fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
