I feel great
I just peed on a car
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
