chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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