he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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