umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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