There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
