We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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