do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
