He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
