Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
