So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
