If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
