Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Are my feet made of real feet?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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