he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
