I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
