He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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