I cannot find my penis.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
