Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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