Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
