Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
