well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
