tell your sister to shave her snatch
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
