he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
