He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
