this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
