wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
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Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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