evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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