Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
