I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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