I bet he comes in French.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
