Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
