The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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