Well apparently he's into motor boating.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
