I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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