I will die if light touches me.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
