No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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