Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
