I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
