I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
